I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
