I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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