I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
