i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Randomize
