Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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