i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
