Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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