she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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