is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i just had sex bonerless
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Randomize
