i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
