Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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