they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Randomize
