for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
