Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize