You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
