Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
