I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
