Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize