i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
