how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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