Where did you get a picture of my penis
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
