I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
