Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize