I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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