; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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