There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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