as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
