i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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