The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Found the puke drawer
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
