She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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