Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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