a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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