there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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