return my video game
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
