Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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