At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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