My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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