dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
