end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
