Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
