Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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