Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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