i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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