What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
