The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
