Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
My life is pants optional.
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