Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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