conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
