I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
