The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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