I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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