Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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