Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
