I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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