There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize