we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
