you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
