did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize