You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
It's shark week go big or go home
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
