I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
