So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
