there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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