Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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