I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
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