i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
