i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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