do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize