Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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