So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
