Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
