So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize