saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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