i think my mom watched the whole time
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
