and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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